Growing Pains
by Umechaw
Summary: She loved the big oaf. It was simple. Unfortunately, nobody told her that getting said big oaf to love her back wasn't going to be so easy.
1. Chapter 1

**Growing Pains**

* * *

'Ralph, I'm freaking out.'

'Well whose fault is that? Just stop freaking out.'

'Thanks for the advice Doctor Helpful.'

'Well I think you're getting yourself all worked up over nothing.'

'But what if I'm _not_?'

Vanellope undoubtedly had the best, most useful (and self-proclaimed) super power in the entirety of Sugar Rush. Zipping here, flashing there, a ghost amongst her fellow racers. She'd never in the entire time her memories had been taken from her thought that being a glitch would be fashionable. A thing to be jealous of. They stemmed from Turbo messing with her code and had brought about the hate and bullying that had secluded her for so long.

It was still there, even after the reset. She didn't really know what to expect, but becoming _princess of the entire game_ wouldn't have been it. She was still trying to dabble in old, hazy memories, but it was clear she hadn't had these powers before. But it wasn't the worst thing in the world. It had saved her life, and the rest of Sugar Rush.

It had saved Ralph's life. She was more than happy to be a glitch.

But it still came as a shock to her, that when she was told that her game was going to get a "spruce up", she was worried that she'd lose her beloved glitching. It was a thing she'd truly become dependent on.

'I wouldn't be too worried.'

She fidgeted in the cart. 'What if they change the game?'

'Can you sit still? It's a popular game, kid. They won't change much.'

'What if they change... _me_?'

Ralph paused, closed his mouth, and lowered the giant cherry in his palm. She looked honestly _frightened_. That was something that he wasn't used to seeing on the kid's face. She tried to hide it as best as she could behind big defiant eyes, but he knew her by now, and he could see her fear. He even had a bit of it too. But he had faith that Litwak knew a good game when he saw one. 'You're the most popular character in the game, kid.' he said gently. 'They all love you. There's no way they'd change a single thing about you. Dummy.'

'Numbskull.'

He made a face at her.

Her fingers meshed nervously. 'What if they get rid of my glitch?'

He bit into his cherry as they pulled up to the Fix-it Felix Jr platform . 'Eh.'

She jumped out of the cart and didn't seem content to stay still, her nerves causing her generally sugar-fuelled and never-ending energy to rise and zip her to and fro about him as he slowly lumbered out of the trolley himself. She hugged her gut, giving him the most pathetically sad look he had ever seen. 'Ralph! Without my glitch what would I be? I'd just be a normal racer!'

'You're a great racer without the glitch.' he said offhandedly, still munching on his cherry. If Clyde noticed or cared about the fact that Ralph pinched them every Bad-Anon, he didn't say anything. He'd left the meeting as usual today, to meet up with Vanellope at the station and head back to his game to spend the last few hours of Quittin' Time eating pie. When she'd been told today she had nearly pulled her hair out with worry, as she was doing now.

'I'd have no "zaz"!'

Ralph snorted, and spoke around a mouthful of food. 'Trust me, sister. You've got enough "zaz" for the entire arcade. Listen, with or without the glitch, you're Vanellope, and Vanellope is a great racer. And an adorable winner, so quit worrying.'

She gave a big sigh for such a tiny girl. 'I dunno what I'd do without it. I've had it for so long, I...'

'Don't worry about it. The more you worry, the more you'll freak yourself out. Plus you're wah wah-ing is starting to annoy me.'

In that moment, she seemed to change back into what he knew- and that was the straight-backed, fiercely annoying brat that he found hard to keep his smile from.

She glanced up at him, now much calmer, and grinned. When she saw his prize, her grin changed.

'Hey, gimme some of that cherry.'

She tried to jump up and grab it, but he lifted it way above his head.

'Nuh, it's my cherry. Wait for pie.'

'Is the pie _cherry pie_?' she asked, all sweet-and-sour.

'I don't think so.'

'Then gimme some of that cherry, Buttzilla!'

'Make me.'

She zipped up onto his shoulder, trying to grab at it. Ralph laughed and wrapped a giant around her middle, dropping her momentarily to get a good grip on her hoodie, still laughing as she struggled and degraded him, all the way over to the penthouse for their customary pie.

* * *

The truth was, was that despite everything, despite what everyone said and thought (albeit thoughts that had been planted in their minds), she had liked herself, glitch and all. She had felt it in her gut, "felt it in her code", that it was her destiny to be a racer, to win a race, to truly be a part of the game. Through it all, she hadn't given up on herself, no matter how close she had come to it.

And then Ralph had come along, and he hadn't given up on her either. He'd liked her for who she was, even before the game reset and she'd become president, and the people that had shunned her before were now apologetic and nice, Vanellope thought that the only person who had truly been her friend, and always would be, was the big Diaper Baby, and his no-nonsense and brutally honest attitude.

That was why when her game got updated; she didn't want to change. Because she was fine the way she was, and Ralph thought so too, the way he had when they first met. If she changed, she was worried that he wouldn't still think that.

He hadn't been the only one to give her reassurance, however. Her fears had dissipated since Felix and some of the other older Arcade inhabitance had told her that updates usually only made a game better instead of changing the good things it already had. A popular game like Sugar Rush only had things to add, not take away and mess about.

'New characters, maybe?'

'Maybe more tracks, it _is_ a racing game.'

'Ooh, yeah. Maybe they'll finish the diet-cola hot spring track, kid.'

With all this positive attitude, it didn't take long for her naturally optimistic mind-set to come back full-speed, and for her to return to her game with enthusiasm for the upcoming update. Her worried citizens, and especially her fellow racers that had shared her fear of drastic changes, took comfort in Vanellope's reassurance.

She would have thanked Ralph if she hadn't been so stubborn, and if she hadn't known that he didn't have a thing for all that goo-goo mushy stuff. The big oaf didn't have the tact, nor the vocabulary, for such things.

So she got Mary to show her how to make a pie, and she made one from scratch. A pie she adorned with a big, albeit wonky, heart. Because she had a feeling he probably wouldn't appreciate a kiss, like the one at Felix and Calhoun's wedding. Nope. Not at all.

She knocked on his door after carefully carrying her most greatest creation all the way from the penthouse to Ralph's cosy shack, inhabited in what had once been the immense dump and now the clean streets of East Niceland.

'Open up Ham Hands, it's getting cold!'

Groggily he came to the door; his hair fairly askew compared to normal, and glanced down to see a small girl with a pie for a face.

On further inspection one could see an eye peeking behind the giant pie, and two tiny hands holding it up for him.

He blinked the sleep away a couple of times and took the pie from her as gently as he could, to see a blush across her face, and a shy smile. The pie was steaming, made fresh, and Ralph smirked at the dust of flour on her forehead and the stray bits of dough that stuck to her hair and hands.

'And what's this for?'

'For all your reassurance the other day. I made it for ya. Not that you need it.' She gave his belly a pat and snickered at the look he gave her.

His eyes narrowed down at her. 'What did you do to it?'

'What? Nothing! Sheesh, can't a friend give another friend some pie without getting the third degree burn? Now hurry up and take a bite and tell me that you like it before I explode.'

She beamed happily as he stuck a finger in the swirl of cream on top, and made an agreeable face.

'Ralph, can you promise me somethin'?'

'Mm, what?' He asked, around a slice of cake.

'I _know_ you said it wouldn't happen... but _just_ in case it does, promise me we'll still be buds. If I _do_ change. Promise me you won't think of me different. 'Kay?'

Ralph sighed. 'You're such a goober.'

'Promise me!'

'...Okay, kid, I promise.' He held out his fist in surrender, and she reached up to bump it gently, grinning.

* * *

'Nearly finished, Mr Litwak.'

'Oh, good. The kids will love this I think, especially some of the older ones. Can't believe how popular this game has become over the past year. It's been a huge hit.'

The man nodded half-heartedly, as Litwak continued on with enthusiasm about the games in his arcade, while he tapped his fingers impatiently against the back of the machine, and waited for the completion of the update. He was glad he only had to deal with Litwak on the very rare occasion. The old man wasn't that bad, he had a good soul, and seeing his devotion was a bit nice, but the _kids_... the squawks and the big-headedness and the _smells_...

Soon enough the switch was flicked and the game came to life. He packed up and righted his belt, hoisting a bag over his shoulder. He moved to leave. 'Alright, all done. Call me if you have any issues.'

'Will do, my friend.' Salutations done, he looked for a willing crash-test dummy, and smiled when he found a familiar speckled face. 'Hey, sweetie.'

She smiled and glanced at him through her glasses. 'Hey Mister Litwak.'

'Sugar Rush here just got an update, care to be the first to try it out? First quarter's on me.'

She grinned, accepting the quarter. 'So what came with the update? New racers?'

'Well, sorta. Some of the more popular racers got a whole revamp.'

When it came to the avatar selection, and she immediately went for her favorite, to not only find the familiar big eyes and messy hair, and sassy get-up of Vanellope von Schweetz, but something else entirely new.

As she flicked between the options, she had to tell herself that she did _not_ see the puzzlement and downward glance of her avatar, as she inspected her clothes, the new length of her hair. Her longer limbs. She couldn't have seen that utter shock, instead of the fiery spunkiness she usually saw.

'Cool, older avatars. That's pretty neat Mister Litwak.'

* * *

_Author's Note_

Well this was just _so_ not expected. At all.

But seriously, my sincerest apologies to this overused ticket to an older Vanellope and a not-so inappropriate shipping of pretty much my OTP at the moment. I honestly thought long and hard about how to overcome the age difference. This was the easiest, and pretty much the most viable. My other ideas were dumb. So sorry, idea-stealing is not intended in this fic, but it has already happened.

And thank you, to all the other fics out there, for all the inspiration.

I adore them as chums. Best duo _ever_. But this weirdo part of me won't deny a romance.

Also, on a side note, I _hate_ to see little Vanellope, and even the other races of Sugar Rush, lose their young cute selves, because that would change Sugar Rush _completely_. It would no longer have that cutesy feel the game is all about.

So have both old and young. Take it. Just take it.

_Also, omg. I have no idea about updating arcade games. Just deal. Shhh._


	2. Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon

**Chapter Two:** Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon

* * *

She'd woken up midday on a Tuesday, revitalized and refreshed and was chosen first amongst the daily racers.

She slowly began to realize that something was very off beam.

Not at first. She was prepped and ready to race and keen to see what this update would bring, when all of a sudden she felt a glitch coming on. Something had changed. New menu page, maybe the graphics had gotten an upgrade...

'Sweet mother of monkey milk!'

_ Or maybe she had just grown a couple of inches within a matter of seconds_.

* * *

Okay, so maybe he was just a little bit worried.

But she'd really relied on him to be stoic and cocksure about this one. And really, he knew everything was going to be okay. Games got revamped all the time and they came out better rather than worse. It must have worked, because she made him pie. Cherry pie. And it was pretty good pie.

Maybe it was just because he cared about her and her game a little more than he would have anybody else (though he _definitely_ wouldn't admit it), and it caused him to even have that _tiny_ niggle of worry. He'd promised her that if anything _had_ happened, he wouldn't treat her different. He tried to psyche himself up for that. He hoped it was all futile in the end.

More so for himself, he'd agreed to meet her outside her game after the arcade had closed, just so they could confirm together that nothing had happened after the patch.

He sat on a bench overlooking the entrance to Sugar Rush, smiling and waving awkwardly at passersby when they greeted him casually. That still took some getting used to. People recognizing him and not initially screaming and having the urge to bolt.

It took longer than he thought for her to come out, after fifteen minutes of waiting, and starting to feel just awkward sitting there, Ralph's teeny tiny worry started to grow. Eventually he resigned to entering her game and finding her, when he heard the familiar hyper screeches. Glancing up from following his feet, he saw a figure practically bouncing out of the tunnel.

'Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!'

She jumped and slammed herself into his chest. He gave a 'oof' and secured her to his shirt with a big hand. 'What, what, what?'

'Th-Th-The update!' she squealed, grabbing at bunches of his shirt at a time.

His eyes narrowed at her, trying to catch her own, but she was too busy looking flabbergasted and glancing around at everything that _wasn't_ him. Her cheeks were red from excitement and breathlessness, and her hair was wild from bounding out of her game. He could only imagine how fast she was going.

'Hey, Vanellope, calm down. Did something bad happen?'

'No, the game looks great! N-New tracks and carts and-and _Ralph_, I still have my glitch!'

'Yeah I can see that .'

She hopped out of his hand gracefully. 'And there's _something _else.' She grinned up at him, showing all of her tiny, pearly teeth. He'd never seen such enthusiasm.

'Well, what is it?'

'It's kinda weird at first, so don't freak out okay?'

A brow rose in suspicion. 'Okay. Go on.'

She bit her lip excitedly, shutting her eyes as tight as she could and kind of crumpling into herself, trying very hard to do... _something_. At first he thought she was trying to glitch somewhere, because her form became suddenly jittery and fluttery and Venellope's pixels quickly ebbed away, only to be reformed beside her.

'Ta-da!' She bowed extravagantly.

Big eyes gleamed at him. Not as big, however, as he was used to.

Ralph's jaw dropped. This was no glitch.

'No _way_.'

'Whaddya think, Ralph?' That voice sounded way too old. She swung her arms behind herself and fell back on her heels, almost looking shy.

'Sweet mother of monkey milk,' he muttered.

'I know! That's what I said! Kinda freaked the player out a bit. But _look_ at me! Look at my legs and my arms!' she gasped, waving them erratically. 'I totally come up to your _shoulder_, Ralph!' She exclaimed, hopping over and using her hand to inaccurately measure her height up against Ralph's. Ralph jumped when she got so close so quickly. It was one thing having a pipsqueak bounding at you that fast. But now...

Ralph finally heard the talking around him and glanced up to see people gathering, wondering what all the hullabaloo was about.

'Wow, Vanellope, look at you! You're all grown up!'

She looked very proud of this.

He didn't know what to think. 'Well, whaddya think, Ham Hands? Do ya like it?'

'You're not a munchkin anymore, kid.'

'G'_doi_.'

'...And all your hair is gone.'

She clutched the short mess of raven hair, still littered with telltale candy. 'It'll be much better to race with, without all that hair in my face. Is that really all you can say, Ralph?'

No, it wasn't, but he was never very good with words. 'Is this, ugh, permanent?'

'Nah, not really,' she brushed the nonexistent dust off her jumper with the edge of her sleep. It _engulfed_ her. They hadn't changed much about her design, other than her hair. Her skirt seemed a bit shorter, but maybe that was just the longer, thin legs that did it. Her leggings clung to her skin and delved into what looked like giant combat boots. Calhoun would have liked that practical addition. 'Some of the more popular peeps got the new avatars. They're all super excited, too. So far I seem to be the only one to switch between the two outside of racing. Must be because of the glitch or somethin'. I don't even care, there's no way I'm gonna be a kid when I can be this work of art! This is _great_! Ooh, ooh, let's go show Felix and Calhoun!'

She grabbed at his hand and only managed to get one of his fingers. It didn't escape his notice that even in this new state she was still minute compared to him, hands only big enough to grapple a few fingers. Everyone was, he guessed. He allowed himself to be carried away towards Tapper's where the couple was known to be.

'Wow, shortstuff, let me take a look at you.'

She posed for Calhoun as the older woman inspected this matured, alien Vanellope.

'Mm. The short hair is a nice touch.'

Vanellope grinned, still as goofy as ever. She couldn't be more pleased with the compliment, _especially_ coming from Calhoun.

'Why Van_ellope_! You're lookin' quite nice, little miss. Don't you agree, Ralph?'

'Uh-huh, yeah.'

Felix raised a brow. He knew that look on Ralph's face, the face of a man trying very hard to process something that was very confusing to him. He had to admit that he'd had to take a double-take at the young woman before he recognised the messy candy hair and the stockings running blindly at him and his wife. She was a petite little thing, when she stood there next to a guy like Ralph. Her voice hadn't gained in resonance but it was noticeable. It was nice to see that she still retained Vanellope's old spunk.

'You're even taller than me now.' Something panged in his gut. Felix was guessing that he'd be the butt of the shortstack jokes from now on. Calhoun smirked at him knowingly.

'Yeah, I was gettin' sick and tired of craning my neck up at all of you. Especially the big lug.' She nudged him gently in the ribs.

She'd given them a demonstration of her ability to zip between her two avatars, and it was only then that you noticed that the sweet baby plumpness of the brat and then the delicate curves of a maturing girl. Eyes still as mischievous as ever, Vanellope delved her hands into the pocket of her jumper, rocking back on her heels habitually. 'Whaddya all think?'

'It's great, little miss. Must be nice getting to grow up a bit.'

Vanellope took a glance at Ralph, and found she couldn't agree more. She frowned when she saw Ralph's face, still scrunched in puzzlement. 'You alright there, Ham Hands? Don't strain yourself too much.' She gave her noggin a bump. He seemed to snap out of it, and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

'Uh, sorry. You have to admit kid, it's a bit weird.'

'I'm still the same old me, Ralph! I'll just get to live a bit more! Why don't you start by buying me a root beer?'

'Well that sounds nice, Ralph. Why don't you treat the girl?'

'But she's only a little kid.' Ralph gestured to her. She made a face.

'Uh, Ralph,' Vanellope waved at him. 'Have you been sleeping the last hour? Do I _look_ like a kid?'

'Listen, sister. You've been a grown up for five seconds and you think you can just do what you want?'

She snickered. 'Uh, g'_doi_. I've been a kid for long enough, don't ya think? C'mon Ralphie. Don't be such a buzz kill. Buy me a drink already!'

Ralph sighed, and shook his head. 'I'm tired. It's been a busy day, lots of quarters. I'ma head home and hit the hay.'

'Aw, are you sure, brother?'

'Yeah, yeah. Hey, congratulations and all that kid, really.' He gave her a pat on the head, and winced when he didn't have to bend down _nearly _so far. 'See you guys later.'

Vanellope frowned after him, staring until his large frame and vibrations his monster feet left on the floor vanished. She turned back to Felix and a disinterested Calhoun, searching for an answer.

Felix shrugged, not doing a very good job at masking his own confusion, and concern, at Ralph's reaction. 'Well... it _has_ been a busy day. Listen, little miss, Tamora and I will buy you a drink, no fuss.'

Vanellope accepted a drink from Felix halfheartedly. She took gentle swigs, not feeling as celebratory as she had moments before. She even completely forgot she was finally drinking something that she'd been barred from before. It was even that good... actually, it was kinda gross. Not even sweet. She fancied a chocolate milkshake. With lots of sprinkles. And a huge blob of ice cream.

Eventually, she gave up. She contemplated between going after Ralph and kicking his butt and slinking home to go stare at herself in the mirror some more, before she finally abandoned her drink and hopped off of her stool. The couple watched her scuff her boots dejectedly, looking like she felt all the great hurt in the world a rebuffed teenager could feel. 'Wow, that update really took the hit outa me! I'm bushed. Thanks for the drink, see you guys later.'

'Oh, bye Vanellope.'

'Love the boots, Shortstuff.'

Vanellope smiled. Ralph had been good for something, at least. She didn't know what she'd two without all the new friend she had now.

She trudged back to Sugar Rush, in search of a mirror big enough for her new frame.

* * *

She loved the big oaf.

She felt it every time she saw him. In the way he explained things simply to her, without a sugary topping, so that she understood him every time. In the way he tried to understand things that confused him, the way his face became hard as his mind worked. The way he smiled, when he occasionally did (more so these days). The way he protected her.

The way he hardly ever said no to her, despite how hard he tried.

There was this innocent feeling of loving him like a father or a brother, or a protector you had such devotion in.

But there was this other thing, this other feeling, which was confusing in her expanded mind, which had had to grow up fast and learn the things around her. She had watched her friends and her enemies and learnt from her quiet height many adult things, including what it truly meant to love somebody. To trust completely, to feel trusted. But she learned something from Calhoun and Felix. Calhoun wasn't exactly goo-goo or very touchy feely, (though that sternness kind of left her when they spent a little too long at Tapper's), but she saw the very real affection shared between them.

She and Ralph went so well together, it only seemed natural to her that they should have that same affection. Vanellope thought that if she looked at it that bluntly, Ralph wouldn't be so against it. She'd like to hold his hand, she thought. She'd like to go out to Tapper's with him and dance and pretend she liked root beer, and talk like grown-ups. She'd like to be able to do a lot of things.

But she often stared at herself in her tiny mirror. At her adorable face, and a body that didn't have the older curves that Calhoun had, the hard and soft lines adults had. Instead, there was a body that still maintained that baby roundness that was juvenile and undefined.

She loved the big oaf. But she guessed that loving him more than a brother had to remain in her old mind, instead of showing it through her young body.

She shouldn't have been so upset about it. She would mutter to herself in annoyance and wipe away the moisture from her eyes. It wasn't like she was going to _lose_ Ralph. But it was kind of hard to miss something when you had never, and will never, feel it.

But, in a matter of hours, things had very much so changed.

She stared in wonder at herself in this new mirror and saw the longer, slimmer legs she'd always been envious of Calhoun for. She didn't have any tears to wipe. But felt a _lot_ of frustration.

She hadn't seen Ralph in a while, not since he'd acted like such a chump. She'd been so _mad_ at him. Stubbornness had swelled up inside her and she had refused to go after him. It wasn't _her_ fault he was an idiot. And after a couple of days of waiting for him to suck it up, he hadn't really bothered to make the effort, either. What a doofus. He went and spoiled everything with his indifference.

No, not even indifference, he genuinely looked _unhappy_ with her new size.

It wasn't like she expected him to instantly acclimatize towards this new her and get the ball rolling on the once-impossible feelings she'd felt for him. It wasn't like she'd planned or expected the change, so the possibility that she _could_ get to hold his hand more than a friend would, and spend time together in a way that was far from platonic, like a date, or something, was still very new and scary to her, too.

He didn't have to be a downright buzzkill.

But not even Ralph could stop her from feeling... _good_. Content.

For once, her mind finally matched her body.

Wanting to be with Ralph made all the more sense. And now that she wasn't a kid, she'd finally be able to make Ralph see it, too.

Except that that would be the most impossible thing the entire world because the brute was so thick and far behind he probably wouldn't be able to tell courtship if it hit him square in the face.

It was this exciting, albeit sinking feeling that finally made her leave her rooms and return to Tappers to find an oddly adult way to deal with her issues.

By drowning it in root beer.

* * *

Calhoun found the kid in Tapper's, trying to hang onto the bar why she swiveled in her chair and giggled into nonexistence. She rolled her eyes and grunted at the display, wondering why she had to be a nice person to somebody _other_ than her husband, and made her way over to Vanellope.

'Hey, kid.'

'Oh _hai_ Sarge!.' Vanellope saluted crookedly, and turned back to her drink. She chose to ignore that.

Calhoun ordered her own drink and found a spot besides the girl. Despite the pleasant greeting, the girl very quickly slipped back into melancholy, sighing occasionally and picking at the splintering wood of the bar.

Calhoun had always seen it growing in the kid, more and more every day, after that night in Sugar Rush. It might not have been spoken aloud, out of a stubbornness she could completely understand, but it was entirely obvious that the munchkin basically _adored_ Wreck-It.

She almost knew the feeling. Revering someone and simply wanting to be near them so much, that not doing so was simply out of the question. The kid was clearly a nightmare and was well adept at annoying the socks off of Ralph (metaphorically) but the big guy didn't seem to mind it. They were close, those two. They had a bond, a strong one, because of what had happened. It was healthy, and it was good from them.

But not so much from Vanellope's side. She suspected that it had only become worse since being given a new body.

'So who sent you?'

'Pardon?'

'Oh come on, I'm not _thick_. That husband of yours is quite the meddler.'

'You're telling me.' Calhoun muttered.

Vanellope tapped her fingers on the bar. 'And he sent _you_? Wouldn't really call you a coddler, Sergeant Sour.'

'I'm more or less here for the root beer, Pipsqueak.'

Vanellope sniffed, seemingly indifferent, but it didn't take her long her to give in and finally looked over at the older woman. 'Why'd he have to be such a weirdo about it? What a total chump.'

This was the moment of truth, she'd have to choose her words carefully now. She dreaded having to bring it up herself. 'It's quite a thing to take in, kiddo.' Calhoun spoke up.

'Yeah, but it's _Ralph_. He usually doesn't care about that stuff.'

'What stuff?'

'Appearances. Otherwise he wouldn't leave the house all stinky and looking like he took a roll around in a dumpster.'

'Give him some slack, Chipmunk.' Calhoun drawled. 'He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He just needs some time and a tall glass of cement and he'll quit with the sniffling.'

'He promised me he wouldn't treat me different.' she mumbled. 'What a dingbat.'

Vanellope abandoned her drink, and watched as Calhoun downed hers, staring at something in front of her that was uninteresting and worth her habitual grimace. She'd had more and more to do with her and Felix these days. She suspected that without those two, she'd completely lost in the situation she now found herself in. It was hard to not look up at this woman as someone to aspire to.

Calhoun almost smiled when she remembered that Ralph had said the kid thought she was just so _cool_, and _unfazed_. Calhoun had been pretty happy with that description.

'Can I ask you somethin'?'

The older woman looked down at Vanellope expectantly. She smiled shyly.

'Do you think that it would be okay and totally not weird if Ralph and I got married, now that I'm older?'

Calhoun lost her drink, spraying it over the bench in front of her.

Vanellope blinked, as Calhoun wiped her mouth and stared down at her incredulously. 'Marry _Wreck-It_?' She ran a hand through her hair.

The kid obviously crushed, pretty bad. And she had been was young, so she probably thought of fancy weddings and all that goo-goo holding hands mush. It wasn't so much of a surprise that she'd finally asked about it.

Except it was very different. Because she wasn't a kid. Well, maybe a kid in a mature body. That made it a little more dangerous.

'Is that so bad?'

'Marriage isn't a _bad_ thing.'

'Nuh. I mean marrying Ralph. Would it be so bad?'

'That's looking a bit far ahead, don't you think, skipper?'

Vanellope huffed. 'So... no?'

'Not right now kid, no.' Calhoun offered. It seemed the nicest response. Since when did she choose the nice response over the honest one? Felix had gotten to her.

'So where should I start?'

Calhoun was damn glad she hadn't had a drink in her mouth then. 'You're serious?'

'Yeah, I think I lo- I think Ralph's great. And stuff.'

Calhoun snorted, and tried to hide the panic. This wasn't exactly why she'd come in search of the girl. To comfort her and to remind her that Ralph was a bit of an idiot, sure. But not to tell her to pursue this crush. She actually felt sorry for Ralph. 'To tell you the truth kid, I think it's going to be quite a mission.'

'Huh?'

'Wreck-It will be no easy man to woo. Especially for you.'

'What do you mean?'

'You might have had the goo-goo eyes for him for a while now but to him, you're just a kid. You're a friend. It's the hard truth, but he's never thought about you any other way. It's not the same as it is for you. He's a grown man. And you are- well, you _were_, a little girl. It's going to be hard for everyone to see you as anything but for a while.'

She looked the teeniest bit heartbroken. Calhoun had a feeling that wouldn't hold such a fierce girl back. 'So what you're saying... is that I gotta make Ralph see it?'

Calhoun raised a brow. _Oh dear._ 'See it?'

'See me as more than just a kid. He might not see me that way now, but I just gotta make him see it, right?'

'I... guess...'

President Vanellope von Schweetz slammed a fist into her palm dramatically, suddenly forgetting that she was meant to be all gurgly from root beer, and wholly determined. Calhoun saw a woman on a mission, an unstoppable one, and almost immediately resigned. Who was she to stop her? She'd either get heartbroken and learn the hard way or...

Or everyone would finally get used to her as more than just a little girl. And she and Ralph could have something wonderful. Maybe Wreck-It deserved that.

'Calhoun! Will you help me?'

She laughed. 'You're joking, right?'

Vanellope shook her head.

'Listen, Chipmunk. I've got my own mission and it certainly isn't dabbling in the affairs of civilians.' She slammed her drink onto the bar as a finality. As far as she was concerned, her duty was done here. She'd managed to get the girl out of a sulk, perhaps unwittingly putting some not-so good ideas into her mind, but she'd done her best.

No more of the syrupy sensitive junk.

But she just had to look back at those eyes, didn't she. She just had to get sucked in. She just had to feel that maternal inkling beat, just that one time. Felix would say yes, wouldn't he? He was such a naturally, and sickeningly, nice person.

He definitely would have said yes.

'Please, Tamora?'

Oh, with the first names and everything. What in the name of all the good Cy-Bug killing glory was she doing.

'Imagine what the boys will think of this... Alright kid, enough with the eyes. This mission is sure to fail, but don't say I didn't try.'

Vanellope howled in joy.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Just wanted to say that my main inspiration for all-grown-up Vanellope is Miyuli's depiction. It's just perfect. I recommend checking out her tumblr. Her art is wonderful!

Hopefully the chapters'll start getting longer from here on in.

Thanks guize.


	3. No Kissing

**Chapter Three: **No Kissing

* * *

'Ralph, _Ralphie!'_ She waved at him, stretching her tiny arms out as far as she could, leaping as drastically into the air as would allow. He still struggled to spot her amongst the crowds of characters, most of them very much so engulfing Vanellope for size, even if she'd found a chair to jump up and down on.

He eventually locked eyes on a familiar mop of dirty hair and a wide mouth yelling words he could barely make out in the bustle.

He gently nudged his way towards her, cherry at his side, until he found his way to the little brat and where she had situated herself on one of the station's benches, waving at him like a lunatic.

'On time as _usual,_ my sweet-smelling mountain of odor.'

'Figured I couldn't avoid you forever, Tooth Ache.'

She hopped up onto the arm of the bench to better grapple onto his overalls and clamber up onto his broad shoulder. He hardly felt the extra weight.

'Sooo, how did it go?'

'Oh, the usual. Sparrow-Eggs and thighs, lots of bad smells... it was good.'

'Ya know it's kind of rude not bringing your Lord Ruler along.'

'Bad Guys only.'

She made a huff. 'Obviously a crowd that lets someone who smells as bad as you hang out with them aren't really people I'd like to associate myself with anyway. Poor taste indeed.'

'And what taste does that give you?'

'Excellent.'

'That doesn't make sense.'

'Well when we hang out in my game your stench is kinda masked by all the sugar in the air. Nyuk.'

Ralph shook his head, but secretly, this banter was his favorite part. At least it kept him sharp.

Ralph passed through the crowd, heading for the exit of the station, bound for home, with a small girl habitually seated on his left shoulder and a giant cherry under his right. People smiled at him and he showed teeth back in an awkward return. He heard Vanellope snicker every so often at the exchange. Someone even said "Hey Wreck-It", and Ralph almost didn't reply, snapping out of the deadlock stare he usually put himself in to get from one end of the station to another without the barbs and the fear of others getting to him.

It was different now. Even after all this time, he still forgot that he didn't have to do that. The events of Sugar Rush had left everyone open-minded and not so... mean. Maybe it was because he had a gobby little pipsqueak lounging on his shoulder and it made him look like the most popular piggy-back ride in the world. He imagined carrying the blubbering brat and a giant cherry didn't do much for his once infamous demeanor.

He enjoyed it, he really did. This new affirmation into the arcade, being recognized as Ralph and not simply "the lumbering warthog villain from Fix-It Felix Jr". But even after all the months of his growing reputation as a good-bad guy, he still had to remind himself that he still wasn't that lumbering warthog.

It pained him to know that she knew.

'Hey Ralphie, you're so high-strung, why dontcha take a tall glass of "Chill the fudge out" and not look like you're gonna lunge at someone every time they say your name?'

He grumbled.

Vanellope stretched out onto her stomach, leaning over to catch his eye. She saw the vulnerability the big hippo tried to hide behind his sinking frown. 'Sorry. But you don't gotta be so shy anymore. I don't see any fear on their faces.'

'I know. And it's nice, but... it's-'

'I know, Ralph, you don't have to explain it to me. Just try relaxing once in a while. It won't be so weird then. You know why they're being so nice? It's 'cause they wouldn't dare be mean to you while I'm here!'

'And what are you gonna do, you little Cavity? Talk 'em to death? Rot their teeth?'

'They know that if anyone gives you beef I'll just smash 'em! Or, just stand there laughing while I command you to smash 'em.'

Ralph smiled at her and shook his head in amusement. Someone greeted him a few moments later and he casually raised his hand in greeting. It didn't feel so awkward.

'Nice, Scuzzlebutt,' Vanellope murmured, ruffling his hair.

'Hey, Sugar Rush girl?'

Ralph turned, only to see long legs and frivolous pigtails. 'Oh hai, Legs,' Vanellope acknowledged.

'Hey, Yuni.'

'Hey Ralph. I wanted to tell the kid something.'

'Fire away, Dancing Queen.'

Yuni popped a hip out and leaned on it. Even this casual movement was fluid, and it wasn't hard to figure out why she was the face of her game. 'I overheard Litwak talking to one of the players. I generally keep an ear-out for this sort of stuff and let the arcade know. He mentioned an update on Sugar Rush.'

'Cool! What does that mean?'

'Why did you say "cool" if you don't even know what it means?'

'Shhh, Buttercup, the grown-ups are talking.' She looked at Yuni expectantly while Ralph lifted his arms up in exasperation.

'It means your game is gonna get a revamp. Y'know, like changes, new modeling?'

'...Changes? What changes?'

'All sorts of stuff?'

'They're gonna change my game?'

'They're just gonna make it better.'

'Sugar Rush is dandy enough, thank you very much.'

Yuni shrugged, her attention already being dragged elsewhere. 'Just wanted to let you know. It'll be in the next few days, just let the guys in your game know, get them prepared.'

'Thanks, Pigtails. I guess.'

The dancer sauntered away, and Ralph immediately felt a clawing at his hair, once her back was turned. She scrambled up to find balance on his shoulders while she craned his neck up and shoved her eyeballs in his face. Her mouth fought for words nervously.

'What does she _mean,_ Ralph?'

'Have you got ears or are they stuffed with sugar particles? She said your game was gonna get an update.' he muttered, shooing her face away from his, and her hands out of his hair.

'What in the name of sweet fudge does that mean? Is it a bad thing?'

'What? No. It's a good thing. It means your game is popular and Litwak wants to keep it that way.'

'She said they were gonna... change stuff. Like a rolling donut they are!'

'You've never heard of an update?'

'Uh, g'doi Hobo Breath, what was your first clue?'

'I _have_ no clue. You're usually this annoying.'

Her small fingers clutched at his coarse hair again, softer this time. 'Ralph, what's going to happen?'

Ralph sighed, glancing up at the girl as she sat around his neck and stared down helplessly. 'Nothing, kid. I'm sure it's gonna be nothing. So stop pulling my hair will you?'

* * *

It was nothing, he said? _Nice_ _one_ _Ralph_, he thought. _Nice_ _one_.

What was even more frustrating about the whole situation was how everyone, _including_ the kid, thought it _was_ nothing. It put even the tiniest bit of doubt into his rebuff of her update. Maybe he had overreacted? Or _under_reacted?

But then he thought about it, how easily she'd changed from the tiny goober into this... this _grown-up_ that assumed to talk and walk and do that thing that made her front teeth poke out whenever she was pulling a face or making fun of him like the Vanellope he knew. Within seconds the cutesy-limbed dot of sugar turned into a slender, and awkward knock-kneed teen with a jumper for a dress. She had the pout and the mischief he'd come to know, but seeing it on that slightly matured face.

It was downright _weird_.

But he should be happy for the kid, right? Like everyone else? It was obviously what she'd always _dreamed _of, not being that snot-nosed munchkin that was smaller than his foot. He could imagine that being that short and that young _all the time_ would get just about as tiring as being a nine-foot mountain with boulders for fists.

Maybe he just needed time to adjust to it, or something, without everyone _bothering_ him. It didn't help that he'd been basically henpecked by Felix about how he'd made a wounded and fuddled mess of the one-time pipsqueak. He told Ralph that she'd sulked all the way home, looking like she wanted to put a foot up his butt and/or cry. Knowing her sporadic, spastic changes of emotions, he wouldn't be surprised if it was both as once.

His first approach was to just leave her alone for awhile, because he thought that girls liked to have time to themselves to sort out all their stupid, confusing emotions, before he went and apologized. But according to Sergeant Surly, this would have ticked her off even more, and that he was a moron.

This is where that guilt came in full-force.

He hadn't meant to _hurt her_. He _was_ happy for her, deep down. But she should have known that her old Ham Hands found even the simplest things that tad confusing. His attempts at trying to get used to this sudden change obviously looked like blatant dismissal, and he hadn't meant that.

It just wasn't every day that the girl that used to crawl on him like he was her personal carriage and cling to him like a growth and... weigh next to nothing in his palm, was suddenly at your shoulder, and ready to drink root beer.

Maybe he'd been more scared of change than she'd been.

* * *

'President von Schweets.'

'Oh hai, Billy my man.'

'It is a... pleasure to see you finally emerge from your rooms.'

'I bet, Bill. I was sulking worse than you do! Its hard work being sour all day, I gotta hand it to you. Not to fear though, I'm done with the wah wahs. Must've had you quite worried?'

Sour Bill craned his acerbic globule head up to stare at his President, as lazy-eyed and impassive as ever. 'On the contrary, Miss Schweetz, it was quite a pleasant holiday.'

'Was that a _joke_, my little bead of gloom? _Don't_ tell me I'm rubbing off on you.'

Sour Bill shook his head gently, but didn't stop the slight lift of his mouth. That made Vanellope smile in return. She finished devouring her afternoon platter of teeth-rotting goodness as Sour Bill shuffled off to clean up some other area of the castle that she'd forgotten (usually on purpose) to clean up.

She pulled on her hoodie strings tight and gave a great burp of gratification before skipping off out of the dining room and leaving another mess for Bill to stumble across when he was much later done cleaning up the mess she'd left in one of the downstairs bathrooms. The question was, which one. Nyuk.

Vanellope glitched back into her younger self and made for the old kart she and Ralph had made almost a year earlier. Beside it sat the default kart she'd gotten with the update package. Nice, enough, as karts went. But it lacked "zazz", and wasn't as well-rounded as her other one. She suspected she and Ralph needed to go visit the Kart-making mini game again. Perhaps with not so much destruction of property.

Although she'd definitely taken a shining to the new avatar, using it as constantly as she could to better get used to it, and to get used to the sense of vertigo she got whenever she stood up. That had long since worn off. Now she simply wandered around in it because she preferred it.

'Hey, open the doors, President von Schweetz comin' through!'

Her clutch of Oreo sentinels paused in their incessant chanting just outside the giant entryway into her home. The door creaked open moments later while she settled into her kart that she generally left by the door (and far away from _his_ old throne) slapping on her trusty red goggles and revving the engines. Sugar Rush was bright, and sweet as ever, and nothing could stop that telltale boil of her blood that came on whenever she was in this kart, and the engines were roaring.

Her guards greeted their President in surprise, standing either side of the pathway. Usually after the roster race (that she'd been performing on rather _sourly_ the past couple of days), the President had taken to driving home sulkily and not leaving until Quttin' Time was done and the quarter alert signaled.

It had seemed that until the update, the princess was always coming and going with that Wreck-It guy.

'Thanks fellows, catcha!'

Vanellope was flying down the road in seconds.

* * *

'Keep it cool, keep it cool, Sergeant Sour said keep it cool, so keep it cool Vanellope.'

Why did it have to be so hard now? This whole holding herself back thing, she was not down with it.

She thought back to what Calhoun had said, hoping it would help with her anxiety.

'Listen, you don't want to scare him. If there's anything I've learnt being surrounded by males all day long is that they're as fragile as daisies and they squeal like babes in the face of the unknown. I.E., emotions. It hits 'em harder than the upside of my fist. And my fists are damn hard.'

'...Eh, what?'

Calhoun growled. 'I'm saying that this close-encounter with the Gorilla can_not_ be an attempt to woo him. Just to get him pro-older Vanellope.'

'Oooh, okay. So no kissing?'

'What? No! _No_ kissing!'

'Okay, _sheesh_... don't needta yell. People are staring now.'

Standing there now in front of his door and hopping back and forth looking like she was about to wet herself, when she was just horribly nervous, she didn't think, that even with Calhoun's strict rules, she even had the _guts_ to kiss Ralph. What was she _thinking_.

_Gotta keep your head straight, Schweetz. Calhoun knows best._

So keep it cool and... no frolicky stuff. Right. Ralph needed to get used to her like _this_ before he even saw her as anything but a kid-turned-teen.

She could do this.

_Ah, put a candy cane in it Vanellope_, she thought, frustrated. The vurp was coming on.

_Screw _cool. She slammed her fist again his door.

'Knock, knock! Open up buttface!'

Her screech tore through his dreams and Ralph woke with a start, practically falling out of his bed. A fist repeatedly slammed into the door of his shack, as she yelled at him to wake up and get his stupid butt out of bed. His stomach dropped, unprepared for this encounter. He unwillingly dragged himself to the door and opened it wide, only to feel a fist plant itself in his gut. Her brows were drawn and her mouth was small and pouty. He felt like that glare could have burnt a hole right through him.

Ralph usually took it as it came. This time, he couldn't quite put all the pieces together.

'Alright, now we're even, Sunshine Bear! You _promised_ you wouldn't treat me different! What the fudgemuffins was that at Tapper's?'

He patted his stomach where she had punched him, pleased to see she was cradling her fist and whining about the pain. It was easy to forget that his bulk wasn't exactly as soft as everyone assumed.

'It was nothing.'

'You broke your promise, you big smelly oaf.'

'Did _not_. You're overreacting, is all.'

'Nuh, Ralph, _you're_ overreacting. I don't see what the big whoop is about me growing a couple of inches and being able to drink at Tapper's, why do you have to treat me different? Calhoun and Mr Handy don't mind. You're the last person I expected to be so... _stupid_ about it.'

Ralph sighed, looking away from her. He hated lying to the kid. He could see the hurt, plain on her face. He'd been the cause of such plain, raw hurt before. He was sure that over the years he'd unwittingly made some yellowbellies cry. But not a small girl, not on purpose. Not one that he cared about. He had vowed that he'd never be the cause of such a hurt again. Another broken promise.

'Listen, kid, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like that. I dunno what came over me.'

After huffing for a few more minutes and looking up at him with hard fists at her hips, she seemed to see the sincerity of his apology seep across his face, because her eyes softened.

Seeing her like this didn't jolt him so bad this time, either. Yeah, she was a couple of inches taller. Not so much the fun-sized toddler. Just that teeny bit lacking in sickly cuteness.

She put a hand on his large forearm, and he noticed the splay of longer, slender fingers. She shimmied her way into his home. He didn't stop her, and so she drew him over to the bed, where she plopped on the mattress, and reached up to start playing with the material of his sleeve. She liked picking at his clothes. He supposed there was a lot to pick out of them. 'Come on, Ralph. You can talk to me. We're buddies, right? Why don't you tell me what's wrong? It's better than storming off and acting like the biggest Sad Sally in the world.'

'I know, I know.'

'So c'mon. What's your deal?'

'It was just... the last thing I expected. You're different.'

'No I'm not, Ralph. I'm still me. You said that I'd still be me, and I am.'

'I don't mean like that. I mean you're... older.'

'Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Buttzilla.'

'You're not little anymore, is what I mean.'

She tilted her head at him. She was pretty sure they meant exactly the same thing. 'I'm still little, Ralph, see?' She glitched back into the kid, smiling at him assuredly, swinging her small legs to and fro. The bed didn't dip as much anymore. He didn't seem assured. She pouted again. 'This is the best thing- well, the second best thing- that's ever happened. I can grow up now! You know how hard it is to have to grow up in this teeny tiny body? It's too confusing. I was getting too old up here,' she tapped at her head. 'It's not so confusing anymore.'

'Really?'

'Yup. Why d'you think I'm so smart and worldly?'

Ralph snorted, and gently tapped her shoulder so that she would shuffle over and make from for him on the lip of the bed. She noticed that this was the first time he'd touched her willingly since the update. This was good.

'I'll tell you the truth, kid. I dunno what I thought when I saw you, but it wasn't good.'

'What do you mean?' she demanded, puzzled beyond belief.

'I thought maybe things would change. Why'd you want to hang around someone like me?'

'Uh, maybe the same reason I would when I was just a kid?'

'You're not as smart as you think you are, but you're pretty smart, for a little brat. What is it Calhoun says? "Wreck-It, the elevator doesn't really go all the way to the top floor, does it?".'

She put an arm in front of her mouth the smother the giggles. 'Ouch.' she managed, muffled from the cloth.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, brows hard and low. 'Don't laugh, you little grub.'

'I'm sorry Ralph, you're just so, so _dumb_ sometimes.'

His arms rose, as if searching for a divine answer as to why he still sat on the edge of this bed and took her sass.

Vanellope sighed with a smile, and hopped off the bed, staring at him like he was the dumbest thing in the world. Then, she snapped her fingers, drawing his attention to her face. 'Alright Ralph, listen up. Are you with me?' She snapped her fingers again, and he stared at her glumly, scowling at this puppy-treatment. 'Listen closely, you knuckle-dragging chump. _You_,' she pointed at him. 'Are the best person in my life. Ever. Capiche? Why would I want other friends when I have you? Jeez, you really are stupid sometimes.' She felt something warm in her chest at the admittance. He stared at her, debating whether or not she was just making fun of him, but there was nothing but sincerity, and a tad bit of embarrassment, on her face.

She'd gone from giving him pie to telling him outright that she cared for him? This _was_ progress.

Ralph grumbled, unsure.

She reached up, and touched his face. Only for a moment, before she drew away and pulled her sleeve over her tingling hand. It managed to catch his eye again. 'We're... buds, Ralph. Without out you I'd still be a no-name glitch. And I dunno, but not many people are as much of a pushover as you, they wouldn't be so hard to bug. Who else would I annoy the socks off of? Er, figuratively.'

She glitched back, to the longer-limbed stranger. She gave him an honest, insistent look. 'It can't be that bad, can it? I didn't become that ugly, did I?'

He made a noise, something suspiciously like a gentle chuckle. 'Well, not _that_ ugly.'

'Yeah, that's what I thought. Hippo.'

'Shortstop.'

She smiled softly. 'Alrighty, it's decided then. Less of this avoiding me junk, and more of the buying me root beer when I tell you to. How's that sound?'

'Boring and unpleasant.'

'That's the spirit, Ralphie!'

* * *

'Part one initiated, thrusters are a go! Gimme somma that angry gloved fist Sarge!' Vanellope gave Calhoun a charismatic smile and an awaiting four-fingered palm, twirling on her bar stool.

The Sergeant stared down at it distastefully, before giving a flick to her blonde fringe and gazing back out over the bar. Probably scouting out those who noticed her with the little twerp and putting a hole through their faces with a scowl.

'Yeah, no, Shortstuff.'

'Aw c'mon, don't leave me hangin'!'

'I'm leaving you hanging.'

'Cuts deep, bro.'

'Your arm will get tired eventually.'

Vanellope made a vibrating "pfft" noise with her lips and waved at Calhoun dismissively; too joyous to really care that she had indeed been left hanging.

'Sooo, what's the next step oh Joyless Wonder?'

'The next step? The next step is to lay low.'

'Lay low? I just did that!'

'No, you barged into his house and ripped off his diapers.'

'It worked, didn't it? He's not so much of a chump about the update anymore.'

'Stop being so impatient, Pipsqueak.'

Vanellope huffed. 'You can stop with the short jokes, Sarge.'

'You're shorter than me, aren't you? Wait for the next update, Chipmunk, and then we'll talk.'

Vanellope grinned at the older woman, and took a sip at her root beer. 'Now I remember why I like you so much.'

Calhoun's mouth twitched.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

This is unedited, but I really wanted to put this up tonight. I'll go back over it in the morning when I'm not so droopy.

Also, I just wanted some opinion on how I'm portraying Ralph? Because it's a little weak to me, no matter how much I mess around. I'd just like some opinyans on what I could improve.

Thanks guize!


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